Just a little video

After getting stuck in Minneapolis then having a 20 hour layover in Atlanta, I'm finally in Honduras!

And here's a little video of what's been happening so far at Pronino...

Looking forward to the rest of the trip!

Exhaling

A few weeks ago my mother-in-law and I were talking about Nueva Esperanza while we were supposed to be watching the Super Bowl. It's been almost a year since she spent 3 days there and she still thinks about the kids a lot. She talks about the kids a lot. She prays for the kids a lot. She knows the kids made an impact on her but she struggles with whether or not being there really made a difference in the kids' lives. She asked me "Do you really think we made any impact on the kids at all?"

I knew my answer was an adamant yes, but I couldn't immediately think of why... Did the kids' lives significantly and permanently improve because of those three days? No. The best way I could think to describe how worthwhile her time was, was to talk about Sean. There are many reasons why I married Sean. We share many of the same interests, we work well as a team, love dogs, love God, have fun together, I think he's pretty darn cute, and the list goes on. But probably the number 1 reason is how safe and secure he makes me feel. I know without a doubt that he always wants what's best for me, cares deeply for me, believes in me and will fight for me. When I think about Sean it's like a deep exhale. It's complete safety. It's guaranteed acceptance and the freedom to let my guard down. I feel at peace.

And that's what we can bring to these kids. Most likely only for a little while, but any amount of time that we can feel safe and peaceful is rejuvenating. It's life giving in an environment that can often feel quite the opposite.

When you braid a little girls hair, learn a boys name - and remember it the next day, or hold hands with a toddler as you walk to the playground you're telling them that they matter and that they're worthy of being known.

Can you list every person in your life that has ever made you feel safe or important? Of course not. But each person was important in forming who you are today.

I will be leading 3 teams to Honduras this year and I would like you to join me. Join me in creating a safe space for them to exhale.

This quote is part of a recent blog post by Mary Elizabeth. She is a college student who did an internship with Buckner last summer and spent lots of time in Nueva. I can't agree more with her words...

"One thing that we do so often here in the States is talk about the orphans and afflicted in the world. We even have compassion for them. But oh how different it is to hold them in your arms, to hold their hands, to look at their beautiful faces and stare into their eyes. It changes everything." (emphasis mine)

Will you join me?

July 9-23 The first week we'll be in Nueva Esperanza (government center with boys and girls ages 0-14) and the second week we'll be in Proniño (private center for street boys ages 8-18) You have the option of attending both weeks or only the first or second!

Cost:

July 9-16 (Nueva Esperanza only) $550 + the cost of airfare

July 16-23 (Proniño only) $650 + the cost of airfare

July 9-23 (Both centers) $1000 + the cost of airfare

Details for the September trip to Nueva Esperanza and the November trip to Proniño will be determined soon!

Please contact me at jkast@hth.org if you are interested!

I think I'm a magnet

I went back to Honduras January 6-13 to teach a class about Honduran childrens' homes at Heart to Honduras' Year of the Child conference. It was excellent (the conference, not my class!). Pastor Fredy did such a good job of finding speakers and it was so wonderful to see and hear Hondurans really stepping up and fighting for the children in their country. They also had the opportunity to learn about very important things like sexual abuse and Honduran laws regarding children. Way to go Corazon Para Honduras!!

The rest of the week was focused on Nueva Esperanza and Proniño. Joy of joys!! So, my plan was to leave Santa Elena, where the conference was held, and head to San Pedro in the late afternoon. I was roughly an hour outside of San Pedro when I spotted two kids walking on the side of the road that looked strangely familiar. I made a u-turn and slowed down near them and couldn’t believe my eyes. It was two kids from Nueva Esperanza, Jose Antonio and Domingo, one of which I’m very close to. My last day in at NE in November Domingo gave me a bracelet that I’m still wearing today. What are the chances that I would happen to be in the country when they decided to run and that I'd happen to be driving down that road and happen to notice them amongst the many people walking or riding their bikes??? I couldn't believe it.

From November - Domingo is on the right, showing his vibrant personality...

Also in November, Jose Antonio (on the right)

We stared at each other in astonishment for a few moments, then I parked the truck, got out and hugged them for a very long time. They had escaped from NE the day before through a hole in the wall. (People make these holes from outside the center. If you walk along the perimeter you’ll see dozens of patched up holes. I don't understand what motivates people in the neighborhood to do this.) I asked them why they left and they said it was because an employee shaved their heads really hard. This may seem like a silly reason but a) the kids hate having their heads shaved. They usually try to hide until the razor has been put away again. And those that managed to avoid getting shaved smack the shaved ones really hard on the head. b) They do shave the kids’ heads really hard. You can always see lines on their heads afterwards from how hard the employee pushes. These kids have been through enough – why make haircuts traumatic also? c) I think it’s more that the head shaving was the last straw than the stand alone reason to run.

They were excited to see me at first. Then I asked if they wanted to go to Proniño. Jose Antonio was interested. Domingo was skeptical. I made a phone call and while I was talking they started walking away. By the time I got off the phone I had to drive to catch up to them. When I got out of the truck they started running. I shouted after them things like “I just want to talk!” and “Let’s go get something to eat!” And finally, “Domingo, I still have your bracelet!” At this they slowed down and started heading back towards me. We squatted on the ground and talked for a long time. They were headed to Santa Barbara to look for Domingo’s family. (A 4-5 hour drive from where we were. No idea how long it would take to walk.) I asked him why he was taken from his family to begin with. He said his dad hit him, but he would avoid him this time. I wanted to take them to Wendy’s but they were afraid that I was going to trap them and take them back to NE. Domingo kept saying that he doesn’t want to be locked up anymore. He wants to be able to make money and buy snacks and go see friends and walk around and explore. It was breaking my heart because I wanted him to go to Proniño, where he has the opportunity to get an education (he’s 14 and can only crudely spell his name) and safety, and yet I understood what he was saying. At one point he even asked me “Jenny, why do you get to be free? Why do you get to drive wherever you want?” I simply said that it’s because I’m an adult, but I know that what he was saying is that he doesn’t want to feel like he’s in a cage. But to respect his wishes would be to allow them to continue on the 3+ day journey alone with no food, money, shoes or shelter, which I couldn't do without a bit of a fight!

I finally convinced them to come to Wendy’s and they were so cute and excited. And man did we get some stares. They looked fairly normal from neck to knee, but their closely shaved heads and dirty, dirty bare feet were drawing some attention. Thankfully, they were completely absorbed in their food and didn’t seem to notice. We talked and ate and when the air conditioning became too much for them we moved outside. I kept trying to direct the conversation to Proniño and Domingo kept directing it back to his family. At one point in the conversation he told me that his original plan was to escape, head to the States and call me when he got there. But he had lost my phone number so he decided to head home instead. This made me think that home was just one of his few options, more than his family being his number one desire.

But after a while he started asking me for some money so they could take a bus to Santa Barbara. And I kept telling them no. But it was killing me. It seemed obvious that they weren’t going to come with me, so I was going to have to leave two children alone to find somewhere ‘safe’ to sleep that night and I wouldn’t even give him money so at least they could go directly to Santa Barbara instead of walking, bare-foot, and encountering who knows how many dangers? It was also dawning on me that I was probably never going to see them again. And I did what most distraught women do – I got a little weepy. I tried to hide it, but they noticed the catch in my voice. I got up to leave when Jose Antonio said “He wants to go to Proniño!” Oh geez. I asked Domingo if it was because of my tears and he said yes. Awesome, I had just succeeded in emotionally manipulating the poor kid.

Nevertheless, we got in the truck and headed for Progreso. He was so, so quiet. He told me he was sad. I asked if he wanted to change his mind and I could take him back, but he said no. A little bit later he said “We’re going to Proniño because that’s what you want, right Jenny?” Ugh. I explained to him again all the reasons why it’s good, but asked him again if he wanted me to turn around. Again, no. But then a wonderful thing happened – he started asking me lots and lots of detailed questions about Proniño. Do they have electricity? (Yes) Do kids steal your food? (Not that I know of.) Does everyone have their own beds? (yes) How long will it take me to get to the 2^nd level where I’ll have more freedom? (3-6 months depending on your behavior) Do they pull your teeth out there? (Jose Antonio lived at Proniño for a while last year and apparently soon after he arrived he had a tooth pulled. So he told Domingo they pull your teeth out. I asked Jose Antonio if that tooth hurt really bad before they pulled it? – Yes. So I explained to Domingo that they’ll help him with any bad teeth, not pull them out for fun or punishment!) I was so proud of Domingo – that he was able to identify some of his fears and then voiced them. When we got to Proniño we were met by Rodolfo, who probably is the friendliest and happiest kid in the center. Perfect! He greeted the newbies and with a bit of encouragement told them how much he loved Proniño and hasn't ever tried to run away. I couldn't've planned it better...

I spent part of his second day and all of his third day at Proniño. When I saw him his 2^nd day he immediately started crying. He said that everyone had been really nice and no one had messed with him. (I was worried about that because he’s a fighter and I thought maybe he’d pick some unnecessary fights to show everyone not to mess with him – which completely backfired at NE.) He said he liked the food and everything was very chill. But he still had a strong desire to be free and with his family.

Day 3 he was really excited that they had put him in 2^nd grade. He told me that he still wanted to run away, but he was going to wait til he had completed 2^nd grade, because "getting an education was important". =) That was fine with me! I’m hoping that after a year of being in school he’ll decide to stick around for 3^rd grade as well! At the end of that day, as I was saying goodbye, I got all choked up again. I told him I was worried he would run away before I came back. He asked me when I was coming back and I said March. He thought about it for a minute and said “I can wait til March.”

Richar and Domingo in Proniño

So I have no idea if he'll really stay. That desire for freedom is so strong in him. One bad day or one disagreement with another boy and he could be gone. But I'm hoping he'll take advantage of this opportunity. He's such a smart and resilient kid, and I pray that he'll be able to change the course his life has been on!

Good news, bad news then awesome news...

I'll start this blog with a wonderful update on the Proniño Christmas sponsorship. As of December 12th, ALL of the kids are sponsored! (That's 3 days before the cutoff date.) And there were at least 10 other people that were planning on sponsoring a child, but they had already been snapped up. Thank you to everyone that sponsored a child, wanted to sponsor a child or just wanted to talk to me about these kids. I never get tired of it. =) And for everyone that sponsored, I'll be coming back with pictures and videos for you in January. So fun!

But there was something else going on at the same time that I didn't want to blog about because it was so opposite the joys of the sponsorship program. In the first week of December my very worst fear happened. Richar ran away, along with Edgar and 2 other boys I don't know very well. I couldn't believe it. And I felt so helpless being here in the States. The first day I was in a bit of a fog. I think I spent a lot of time staring at the computer screen. The second day I got mad at them for making poor decisions. Mad at Edgar because I took him off the streets less than two months ago!! I just didn't understand how he could forget how much he hates the streets so quickly. And mad at Richar for putting me through the emotional ringer. It's a selfish reason, I know. The third day I emailed everyone I know in Honduras asking them to look for the kids and telling them where they might be able to find them. And then I just waited and prayed and hoped and hoped that I'd get an email telling me that they had been found. There were some encouraging moments - like when the Rink family in Texas decided to sponsor Edgar for Christmas even though they knew he wasn't at the home. They decided they were going to pray for him to be safely returned to Pronino by Christmas and they wanted to make sure that he had some gifts waiting there for him. So awesome. But in general, I was spending a lot of time worrying. Worrying that they were hungry, cold, would turn to drugs and that I'd never see them again.

Two weeks after they ran, they were found outside of a grocery store in San Pedro by the efforts of a few amazing Pronino employees that drove around and around and around the neighborhood trying to track them down. I finally got that email I'd been waiting for - telling me they're safe and spent the next hour jumping around the house and calling people to share the wonderful news. I'm heading to Honduras in less than two weeks and am so excited that I'll be able to see them, but there is this nagging voice in my head saying "It's probably going to happen again."

So many people have asked me why the kids run away. And I really wish I knew the answer. All I have are lots of theories. So, I thought I would share them with you and maybe we can get a discussion going. I would love to hear other people's insights. My number one theory is that the kids make decisions based on how they are feeling right now. Pronino is a home full of street smart pre-teen and teenage boys and they tend to resolve problems with their fists as opposed to talking about their feelings. I think that when they are mad or upset they just want to remove themselves from the situation. So they leave. I think Richar is a perfect example of this. When he's angry, his anger takes over everything and rational thought just goes out the window. There is no thought of what am I going to eat tonight? or where am I going to sleep? It's just a thought of I don't want to be bothered anymore!

Theory #2 is a desire for adventure. Things can get pretty dull when you eat, sleep and play in the same building all day every day. And the first day on the street, going wherever you want, doing whatever you want, is probably appealing at times. Once again - very little thought about the day after or the day after that. I think Edgar would definitely fall into that category. He's bored and sick of the kids making fun of him (the back of his head's pretty flat and some of the kids like to pretend that it's a landing strip, which Edgar really doesn't like) and someone whispers a plan to run away. I could see him being down for that.

Theory #3 is that they want to return to their families. Many of the kids have parents and siblings and some live nearby. And absence makes the heart grow fonder. No matter how bad things were with the family, it's still family. It's your identity, your roots. And that desire to be loved and cared for by your parents doesn't go away. And no matter how much we tell them that they have the opportunity for a good future by going to school and getting an education and that their parents will make them beg on the streets or sell vegetables from a cart for pennies, they aren't at the stage developmentally that they can really make a good decision. One of the boys that had run away 3 times in the 4 months I was able to go regularly kept leaving to find his mom. I talked to him one day after he had been found and returned and asked him what he was going to do when he was 30. He looked at me with shocked eyes and repeated incredulously "30?!?!" That's when it really hit me that it's hard to think that far ahead. And not just for "these kids". Few 12 year olds in any country could consistently make good life decisions! He just wants his mom.

So what's the answer? This is the part where someone reading this writes a comment and solves everything. Please. I don't know that we'll ever have an answer that works 100% of the time. But I have a theory for this, too. =) We keep going out, looking for them and bringing them back. It's like the parable of the lost sheep. One is missing, so we leave the rest and search high and low for that little sheep until he's back with the flock. Show them that even if their family isn't going to fight for them, someone is. And even though they don't fully understand it, keep telling them that there is a future for them and they deserve to be given a chance, sometimes over and over again. And there are stories of kids that were so unstable, kept running away, kept being brought back, then stabilized. There's an amazing kid in Pronino that was on the streets, addicted to crack at age 10. He was brought to Pronino, then ran away. A worker found him on the street again, but he wasn't willing to return. Finally, he was convinced to come back and now he's drug free and in school. And he's so smart! Someone told me that the kids call him the scientist because he's so inquisitive and always wanting to learn. Can you imagine what would've happened to him if people weren't persistent in bringing him back?

So I fear that they'll run again, but I also hope that with some persistence, this will become their home, even if it's not the one they would've chosen!

Only 9 more days til I can see this wonderful child again!

A few more featured kids

Thank you so much to everyone who has already sponsored a Proniño kid! In 4 days you've sponsored 18 kids. AND I've had the chance to talk to a few people that I haven't talked to in YEARS! So, there's so much that I love about this. I love helping the boys have a wonderful Christmas. I love getting to talk about them so much. And I love reconnecting. The only thing that hasn't happened so far is I haven't had a stranger interested in sponsoring. Any strangers reading this blog right now???

The 2 boys that I featured in the last blog have been sponsored so I thought I'd feature a few more! There are some up and coming superstars in Amor y Paz (Love and Peace).

This is Oscar Giovanni, 14 and Denis Gabriel, 14. These are two very creative kids. They put their heads together and wrote a song, then they had the opportunity to go to a studio in El Progreso and record it. Click here to watch them perform at a local talent show. It's not the GREATEST video ever, but hey I'm an amateur!

And the kids in Proniño love this song so most of them have it memorized from start to finish. So here you can watch some of the cuties singing it acapela! Some of the kids in this video that haven't been sponsored yet ....

Porfirio, 13 Lead singer #2 in the video

Porfirio is usually my sidekick. He's one of the most kindhearted kids in Proniño. He has a few younger sisters that are in another home that he's able to visit sometimes (one of the awesome things about Proniño - they encourage and facilitate visits with family members) and the love he has for them is so touching. He's convinced that he's going to be able to go back to his mom by the time I get back in January. And he wants this so badly that I want it for him too, but man am I going to miss his huge smile and big hugs if he's not there when I return!

Wilmer, 12 camaflouge pants in the video

There are two Wilmers in Proniño. Kevin, the street outreach worker, is close to the older Wilmer, but this guy is MY Wilmer. When he smiles he gets these wrinkles around his eyes that will just melt your heart. I'm really good at telling the kids no when they ask for things. Can I have a sucker? No. Can you buy me an MP3 player? No. But at least twice I ended up bringing snacks or candy for all the boys because somehow Wilmer got me to agree to bring something for him. But I try hard not to bring gifts for only ONE boy because I don't want to leave anyone out so I had to bring it for all. Even with Richard - I didn't bring anything specifically for him until my very last day! But somehow, this one kept charming his way into candy and snacks for himself which meant for the entire center!

Roger, 13 background face maker in the video

This is mi payaso (my clown). I blogged about him a little bit in August. We first met when he was living in Nueva Esperanza. One day in June I noticed that he was missing and they told me he had run away. He was the first kid that I knew of that ran away. And he was the first kid that I worried and worried and worried about. UNTIL I found a picture of him on Proniño's website along with a story about how he was found! Click here to read that story on Kevin's blog. If you sponsor him I guarantee I'll come back with a video for you...

And finally Deybi, 8 made a cameo in the video wrestling with Wilmer

Kind of anti-climactic but I don't know him very well. But he's super cute!

So, if you want to bless these kids with an awesome Christmas for only $25 go to http://pronino.org/Christmas2010.aspx and click the donate tab under the photo of the child, or children you want to donate to. Make sure that you specify which child (or children) you want to sponsor! And then let me know who you chose because I'll bring back photos or videos of your child in January.

Gracias!

An opportunity for Navidad

I think this may be my first ever short blog. Thought I'd mix things up a bit. =) In my last blog I listed some ways that you could get involved and help these kids from the States. One of the ways was to make a wish come true by helping out with Christmas gifts. Well, Proniño has set up a very easy way for you to make that happen! A donation of $25 will cover the cost of their Christmas gifts. I've been sitting here trying to think of something that costs $25 to put things in perspective, but nothing catchy is coming to mind. Umm, for the cost of 5 drinks at Starbucks! Or for the cost of 2 books! 25 songs on itunes? Anyway, for $25 you can make a kid feel special! If you click here you can see all of the Proniño kids and choose your child. Maybe you want to choose them because they look like someone you know, or because their name is similar to yours - come on Richard, you know you want to sponsor Rigo. Or you can contact me and I can tell you more about most of the kids - because giving is always more fun when you know a little something about who you're giving to. For instance, there's

Christian Noe.

I have a ton of respect for this kid. Tempers can flare quite easily, but every time I see him, he's getting in between the ones that are about to fight and trying to distract them with some humor. Just such a good kid. And he's an aspiring magician and breakdancer. This video is just bonus...

Derrick

If you have seen my wrists lately you'll see 2 exquisite bracelets compliments of the handiwork of Derrick. Who knows, if you sponsor his Christmas I may have a bracelet for you when I return in January!

My hope is that I'll be able to get 30 of these kids sponsored before December 15th. If you decide to sponsor a child, please let me know so I can update my goal! And please let me know if you have any questions!

I have 3 so far. 27 more to go!

And I can bring pictures or videos back from my trip in January so you can keep connected with them. =)

Back in the US of A

On November 17th I moved back to the States. Oh, how bittersweet this is. There are many things that are so nice about the States - the chairs are so comfortable (sounds weird, I know, but I keep sitting down here and thinking 'Wow! I am SO comfortable!'), the food is delicious, there are zero potholes in the road to avoid, I understand what everyone is saying and when I forget to lock my car door nothing is stolen when I return...yet. But man is there a hole inside me. I was nervous that when I returned I'd spend a lot of time crying. I haven't cried at all. But I have spent a lot of time floating. And not the good, elated kind of floating. It's the foggy, directionless type of floating. But after a considerable amount of time journaling and a considerable amount of time talking to my wonderful friend Ann who went through this type of transition not too long ago, I'm feeling a bit more like myself today. So instead of spending my day missing the kids I'm going to spend my day planning for my future trips to Honduras.

That's right - I may be home, but my time in Honduras is far from over! And there will now be many opportunities for all of you to come back with me and meet the wonderful kids you've been reading about! A few months ago I realized that there is no way that our time here could simply be over in November. And there's no way that we could drastically improve the lives of these children in a few short months. And when you get to know the kids, really know them, their name, their story, and when you earn their trust, you can't just file that away as a period of your life that is now closed. I had this crazy idea that maybe I could come back every two months to lead missions teams to the centers. I thought, that's insane, you can't find a job that will allow you to leave for 10 days every 2 months! But this whole year was more than I had ever dreamed of. I strongly believe that it didn't happen to have good stories to tell my friends, or to shape my character or world view. There is a reason that I met these kids and God is a big enough God to lead me to a part time job that allows me to have lots of time off if that's what I'm supposed to do! Within a few weeks I was approached with a part time job that is a perfect fit. The details are still being worked out but it was enough to encourage me to go forward with this plan.

The goal of this project is to show the children in Nueva Esperanza and Proniño the love of Jesus by facilitating an increase of love, safety, nourishment and hope in their lives. This will look a little bit different in each center. The highlights of what we want to do is to:

1) Develop a core group of consistent Honduran volunteers that will mentor, help with homework, do Vacation Bible School and in general form consistent, positive relationships.

2) Bring 6 North American teams per year for work projects and to spend time with the kids. (3 to Nueva and 3 to Proniño)

3) Increase the amount of protein and vegetables in the children's diet in Nueva Esperanza through donations from the States and from Honduras.

4) Recruit monthly sponsors for the boys in Proniño.

And how can you help with this program you ask? Oh, there are many ways. I will continue to make number lists because, well, I like number lists. Many of the details are not yet finalized but I want to share the things that are in the works!

1) Consider joining one of the teams that will be travelling to Honduras in 2011. Tentative dates are in May, July, September and November.

2) Sponsor a child in Proniño. You will be able to have regular contact with your child and an opportunity to tell them just how special they are when you meet your child on a trip to Honduras. (See item #1) =)

3) Along the same lines, I am hoping to find some churches or groups that would be interested in learning more about and helping these centers. I'm brushing up on my public speaking skills so please let me know if your church or group would be like for me to share about the kids!

4) Make a one-time or monthly donation to Heart to Honduras at www.hth.org that will support the children's home project.

5) Proniño is doing something special for the kids this Christmas. All of the kids have written down what they want for Christmas. It ranges from 5 chocolate chip cookies to an MP3 player to "that all of the children in Proniño lead a happy and healthy life". (Not even lying, one of the kids wrote that!) If you are interested in checking something off this list, ESPECIALLY the last one, let me know and I'll email you the list once I get it on Thursday.

6) I will be going back to Honduras in January for a week. If you are in the Phoenix area and would like to donate new or gently used boys clothes, shoes, belts and new toiletries and hair gel let me know and I'll bring it down! (Or you could mail it if you live outside the Phoenix area.)

7) Please pray. Pray for these kids. That they would have joy, safety and a future. Pray for this project - that it would help to change the lives of hundreds of kids. And pray for me - that I would stay constantly focused and always learning better and better ways to help these amazing children.

And now for a few photos, just because...

I'm sure Richard would have a better shot if not for the lovely sweater he's wearing.

He INSISTED on carrying my backpack around. He didn't seem to mind that it's the same size as he is.

This guy is definitely high on my prayer list. This is Josue Nahum. He's been in Nueva Esperanza for around 2 years. He had a group of pretty good friends, but they all have either escaped or been transferred to other centers and now I fear that he is pretty depressed. I used to spend a lot of time making him stop picking on other kids, but now when I'm there he almost always is sleeping. I'm glad he's essentially ignoring the smaller kids, but I'm not happy with the alternative. My last day I woke him up to see if he wanted to play soccer with a group of visitors and he just didn't. He told me that he has no interest in doing anything. This is not good at all.

Love this picture of some of the boys in Proniño. Every one of them looks hilarious!

And a gaggle of Nueva Esperanza boys. There are soooo many more....